A STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY

Photo: Getty Images

Walking in the wide and open community of endless academic and social activities, I find myself, a stranger looking for whom to talk to. A novice wondering where I would fit in , a tale bearer looking for a suitable title to my upcoming story and then there is this strange feeling like that of an exile, a lone fellow thrown to face the harsh realities of an unknown land.

The cold breeze unwelcoming as it slaps me hard, leaving a dry, harsh effect lingering; the trees cave in to unveil cold faces booing me. My face bears a quizzical expression being an external witness to this internal puzzle. Puzzle? Yes, I am puzzled and desperate for answers to questions that cannot wait any longer.

I have heard tales of this place that boasts to be the University of First choice and the nation’s pride. I have heard proud students boosting their egos with loud chants of “Greatest Akokites”, exhibiting a sense of loyalty I have never felt towards any community. Contrary opinions of those who claim to have wealth of experience replacing my initial eagerness with a ‘shaky’ enthusiasm, a sense of doubt and leaving me absolutely clueless. Who am I?  What exactly awaits me in this large ocean of knowledge called UNILAG.

They warned me, O!, feeding me with countless tales of the widely publicized escapades of the well known UNILAG ‘big’ boys and girls or “chicks” as they are fondly called. They informed me of the ARISTO  girls, the fashion and  black berry craze, the endless parties, the list in fact is also endless. The quest to be the ultimate has overwhelmed the hunger for academic success. The well known University of Lagos is a place where you would find it all. The high, classy, sassy and what have you. You not only find the young and restless, you find the aging and agile.

Senate House, UNILAG

Some others were happy that I was coming to ‘LAG’ because according to them, I would now have an official UNILAG student status to enhance my profile amongst the high and classy. This only weakened my initial excitement and enthusiasm about being an undergraduate in UNILAG. Too many voices, too many unanswered questions. I asked myself, Could I not just still be me? I mean; Remain the same way I was before UNILAG came into my life? Not going out of my way to impress and still maintaining a well balanced social life? Not being desperate for money, clothes and what have you and still being a force to reckon with? It did not just make sense, the picture did not just ‘click’, I could not visualize it, the whole bizarre puzzle was proving too difficult to solve, and this is one hell of a dilemma. I am caught between two worlds- To move with the modern tide and also become the in-thing or be the same girl Mummy and Daddy knows? To do the required and be a confirmed big girl, or for goodness sake still be ME? The former seems so easy, I mean they say “if you can’t beat them, you join them.” I sure can’t beat them, not in my small frame.

But then a tiny little voice I have come to recognize as my voice of reasoning, whispers at the corner of my mind, “But you can leave them”- and that was it, the long awaited answer has arrived, the laborious puzzle has been solved. If I can’t beat them, I’d rather leave them and live my life. The field is large enough for me to squeeze my way through. Though I may go unnoticed, I would have left my footprints on the sands of time.

Of all the many voices that advised me during my state of self discovery, one keeps standing out, her words of wisdom constantly echoing and re-echoing in my mind, she said: “UNILAG is a school of destiny, if you want the quick and easy way (ARISTO, yahoo, cultism etc), sure you’d find loads of it , but if you prefer the hard and tiring route, you’ll also find your way. Though it may look long and difficult to scale through.

I look now and the answer to my question could never be more obvious. I see the whole picture coming together to form that “big picture” I have always desired. I see different faces: old and new, strange and familiar, cold and welcoming, desperate and fulfilled, all these faces define various personalities, these personalities carry values, these values represent various goals, these goals identify with your vision and your vision determines your passion, your passion is what ignites the purpose in you to come to light and your purpose is what represents the MAN in you, it is what separates the ordinary from the extra ordinary. That is what makes you unique.

     

UNILAG is an ocean full of different things, potentials, personalities, dreams and aspirations, from all these you’d find diverse results. But unlike my initial position as a puzzled, confused and unenlightened girl, I now see clearly and follow the light to the desired land. My world is now unveiled, my destiny unravelled and it awaits me to come and grab it. So, I won’t waste any time pondering because the decision has been made.